Shhhh! (sheesh!)

I've been spending many of my "vacation" afternoons at the Sioux Falls Public Library, a place I visited about this frequently when I was a child. While I don't love making this a working vacation, I love this place. It used to be so hard for me to decide which books to take home with me (I think 21 was the maximum I was allowed at a time). Diana the Story Lady was like an extra grandma to me. The librarians all knew me as the little girl in the pink glasses with the big stack of books. When I stopped in one time when I was home from undergrad (ca. 2000), they still recognized me. When I showed up again last week to work on my dissertation, one librarian STILL recognized me.

So, what I'm sayin' is, I know this place. I know the rules here. This is a place for whisper voices. {THIS IS NOT A PLACE FOR ENTIRE CELLPHONE CONVERSATIONS ABOUT YOUR JOB AT THE MALL, MR. NOISY CHATTY LAPTOP PATRON!}. Ahem.

Fast tracked to Platinum Elite

Ben has had better weeks, to say the least. We're trying to have a nice, calm visit to South Dakota and that's just not working out so well for him.

His beloved Grandpa Bill passed away. To get to the funeral in Rochester, NY he had to fly from Abilene, TX by way of Sioux Falls, SD. Five connections within 18 hours is a craptastic amount of flying. And he had to do it all alone, which is just... lonely.

His vacation to South Dakota was already a bit funky due to a business trip he couldn't get out of. Abilene, TX, is nowhere close to the top of his list of places he'd like to set eyes on again. It took 45 minutes for the town's single taxi to arrive at the airport (don't taxis usually stick close to airports?). He spent twice the time flying there (three-legged flights both ways. yuck. Abilene and Sioux Falls have a total of zero hubs in common) than he spent in the single tortuous meeting that lasted a tortuous five straight hours. Add in the number of vacation hours he wasted in airports and his transit-to-meeting ratio is doubled again. At least he was mildly amused, though, that the gift shop in the Abilene airport operates on the honor system. Seriously.

Did I mention that the flight to South Dakota in the first place was extra fun? Our original flight out of D.C. was cancelled AFTER we had already wrangled the baby and too many carry-ons into our seats (the plane had a HOLE in it. I'm sure glad they noticed before we took off!). We ended up flying through Denver rather than Chicago, which amounts to an extra couple of hours in the air. I mean, we only overshot Sioux Falls by 750 miles. Extra time in a plane is always fun with an active toddler. We told ourselves we were in training for our flight to Europe. Oh, and I managed to leave our new C.A.R.E.S. harness attached to the seat on our first plane. He was the one who got to sprint back for it minutes before our second flight took off.

It's a good thing he'll be returning to South Dakota for the second week. That man deserves some time on the ground.

Mothers Day pt. 2

Perhaps my previous post was a bit harsh. Perhaps. Telling a little corner of the internet, a little corner mostly populated by our family and friends, about a bungled Mothers Day makes it harder for the bungler to live it down. Which, I'll admit, was kinda my point, albeit a mean part of my point. I feel bad about that, but, on the other hand, I bet this particular bungle won't happen again, which was part of the point, too. Y'all are sure to remind him next year and next year and next year, though he won't need reminding. I'm now probably guaranteed at least a ritual card for the remainder of my Mother's Days. I'm trying to overlook how the ritual might be a little bit hollowed out, now, by my enrollment of the public in our family life on this point.

It's nice to have Ben participating in creating tangible memories of our family life. It's 10 times better when the motivation isn't extrinsic, but intrinsic.

***

I found a Mother's Day valentine on my pillow last night. Crayon, a creative printing of a baby photo, the shebang. It's... lovely.

My Second Mother's Day

I'm disappointed. I know that a fifteen-month-old has no idea that it's Mother's Day. A Fifteen-month-old is not going to make a card unless someone else puts paper and finger paint in front of her. That someone, I would think, should be her father...

I did get a Mother's Day card in the mail. From my mom. And a gift certificate to one of my favorite stores from my mother-in-law. The sentiment, in both instances, was lovely.

But all I really wanted was a little construction paper card with some crayon smeared across it. I even brought crayons last week. And conveniently packed them in the diaper bag and brought them with us to South Dakota. A little handprint to put on my desk (yeah, I know it's in storage, but still...) would be extravagantly nice. It would look great next to the one "Jayne" made for Ben for his first Father's Day. Or a little story book like the one "Jayne" gave him while in utero. Or a little photo book like "Jayne" and "Ben" gave to his mom and grandma and my mom and grandmas this year. Something. Anything.

Yeah, anything, really. Construction paper and crayon cannot be underrated. Last year's card with her little paint-smeared handprint was perfect.

Yeah, yeah, I know that Mother's Day as a ritual is full of consumerism and stereotypes. I really agree with Sybil Vane over at Bitch Ph.D. when she writes:

Sharing domestic labor should be part of the partnership. Skirt up and do it all the time, not as an exceptional treat. Furthermore, domestic chores are not the same thing as mothering. This should be obvious.

Further, while "pampering" is nice, it is a pretty insubstantial way to think about mothering, what it entails, and what constitutes recognition and appreciation of that work. We can bemoan Mother's Day as a Hallmark holiday, but it didn't start that way. Two kick ass feminists, Julia War Howe and Anna Jarvis, are credited with making it a national holiday. Howe wanted it to function as a day for anti-war activism, seeing women as crucial shapers of national and foreign policy. Jarvis advocated for the holiday after the death of her own mother, Anna Marie Reeves Jarvis, who was also an anti-war agitator. The younger Jarvis was appalled by the eventual commercialization of the holiday, noting "A printed card means nothing except that you are too lazy to write to the woman who has done more for you than anyone in the world. And candy! You take a box to Mother—and then eat most of it yourself. A pretty sentiment!"

What I want for Mother's Day is some demonstration that the adult-ish people to whom my mothering matters (which is currently only my husband as our daughter is young) have reflected on what it means to try to mother with intelligence, grace, courage, and kindness in this historical moment. I want a recognition that I am under-served by social and business policies that do not value the work I do as a mother, and that I am under-served by the sentimentalization of motherhood. I want awareness that while the domestic labor I do is unpaid, it is not, de facto, my labor and has very little to do with mothering. I want conscious decisions to value the social and political influence of mothering, and commitments to increasing the visibility of the ways mother's are disenfranchised.

I'm hurt, perhaps moreso because Ben is usually really great at making me feel appreciated. It's nice to be celebrated a little bit on Mother's Day. I don't want a bunch of pink ribbon and lace and sachets. But I'd like a card or something from my child.

four to three

It's safe to say that I transfered my loyalties to the right contestant last week-- Sayesha was fantastic last night. Buh bye, Jason.

While she didn't get to vote for our beloved Hillary in either of yesterday's primaries, Jaynie DID get to accompany her grandparents to the polls for the Leesburg city council and mayoral race. The mayor ran unopposed and 3 of the 4 council candidates were elected. I assume the Leesburgian's did as good a job as American Idol voters, who also narrowed the field down to three. We're not exactly biting our nails over the results here. But the sticker totally made it worth the effort.

First footnote

Jayne helped me type part of my dissertation today. I'll copy/paste it here:

bbdsaaaaaaaaaabbbbbz hg hg vb.

Brilliant, huh?

Instant Idol Gratification

We're just getting around to watching last night's Idol on tivo. The best part is that we only have to wait the few seconds it takes to click from one episode to the next to get the results.

No, wait. Actually, the best part is seeing how incoherent and flustered Paula is tonight, I mean, was last night. That happens. When you're totally TOTALLY BUCKLED, to use an Irish phrase that makes me chuckle every time because I hear it in my head with the accent .

Anyway, here are our impressions of the performances.

Jason: the bluejean song was sweet for him. As is his usual vibe, his singing would probably get him successfully into a coed's bluejeans. Ben thinks his first number was the best performance of the night.

David: One word: cheezeball. One that got taken out of the fridge too early now smells precociously like a high school locker room. During an unhappy gleeclub performance of the National Anthem.

Brook: The first song ("I'm a believer") was totally a pass. She just looks awkward with a guitar and the song was below her vocal comfort zone, literally-- she kept twisting her chin into uncomfortable angles. Her second song was better. Ben would go see her in a piano bar on a friday night but that's about it.

David: they're showing favorites now. Eh, I don't think he's in the same ballpark as he was when he sang Eleanor Rigby. But the field IS thinning...

Sayesha: She looks like she's having fun and I'd LOVE to see her on Broadway. I think I'll transfer my loyalties to her. But Simon thinks she's in trouble? WTF? I might have to stop watching if America keeps kicking off my favorites.

But, I must say, I think Idol should BRING CARLY BACK! I MISS HER!

I call it her rooster puff

When it's humid (as Virginia is wont to be), her curl does this.

My Giant List of Things TO DO Before We Move Abroad OMG

In no particular order, these are some of the things we must do before we can become innocents abroad:

• Get visas (can't do till July)
• finalize student loans
  
• talk to Cingular (buy out contract? Keep paying till it expires?)
• decide about Jayne's crib (ship, pack, buy a new pack 'n' play there?)
• set up Skype account
• purchase power converters
• call Compaq-- can I order a laptop converter?
• bank accounts (deal with current ones here, open new British ones)
• credit cards (switch to an airline card?)
• buy a child airplane C.A.R.E.S. harness
• buy plane tickets
• call Aer Lingus and register Jayne as a lap child. Request seats by one of those bulkhead fold down crib things.
• find out Aer Lingus's extra suitcase charges
• contact an apartment rental agent to set up appointment
• buy bad false teeth
• continue sorting stuff
• get remaining stuff to storage unit
• get enough travellers checks to pay 1st 6 months rent in cash (buy here? buy there? check conversion rates)
• check shipping options/prices/principles
• have a garage sale? (nah. ebay and donate).
• ebay more stuff
• get emissions inspection/get car registered to Leesburg address
• sell the car
• read the SLR camera manual
• thank you gift for B and J for letting us live here and save up!
• copy/scan all important documents
• cancel insurances (car, renters.)
• get full physicals while we have insurance (Ben, Kelly)
• get annual exam (Kelly)
• get eyes checked (Kelly)
• dentist (Ben, Kelly)
• send in paperwork for Kelly's international student ID (wait till July as it has a one-year expiration)
• talk to Kelly's directors about getting letters of introduction and/or teaching recommendations
• file paperwork to be released from student fees
  
• cancel old pet insurance program/see if Leesburg vet has something similar
• renew drivers licenses (will expire before we return)
• request absentee ballots
• scan in my dissertation research
• cancel sittercity.com, blockbuster.com, sellersourcebook.com accounts
• adjust life insurance?
• talk to Ben's company about maintaining a relationship of some sort?
• coordinate with other incoming parent-students
• return a zillion books to university library
• start calling people "Love"
  

Can you think of anything we're missing?